Hey Cheryl. What are we talking about today?
Today we are exploring “Why you don’t have more money”
Kathi-Um, excuse me? Why are we discussing my finances?
Cheryl-I don’t mean you specifically, I’m speaking to women who are or have been chronic underearners in their careers and businesses.
Kathi-Well, that would be me-LOL-Actually, this sounds like a subject many women would be interested in-and men too, but I think it’s probably primarily a women’s issue-am I right?
Cheryl-You would be right. And yes, it does happen to men as well, so I do encourage them to continue listening.
Kathi-So, why does this happen to us?
Cheryl-There can be many contributing factors to why we don’t earn more and keep more of our money. But the primary one lies at our core. In the stories, we have been told and those we tell ourselves.
Let me ask our listeners…
As a business owner, have you ever decided to discount your fees/prices so that you could get the sale?
As an employee, have you ever just taken the salary they offered and never thought to negotiate for more?
As an artist, actor, healer, non-profit, have you come to believe what you‘ve heard others say-there’s no money in that field.
If any of these describes you, like they have me in the past, then we’ve both missed opportunities. Opportunities to receive what we deserved for our products, services and talent.
Unfortunately, this happens so frequently to so many of us that we come to believe that this is the way life is. Like there is no other way.
Which leads me to Mindset-
Mindset is the key. Because what you believe to be true is what comes to fruition. If you believe that it is not possible to negotiate for a higher salary or better benefits, you won’t get them.
And if you drop your price before you present it, you are conveying that your product or service is not worth what you were originally charging for it.
Not only are you telling your potential customer this, you are giving yourself the same message. The message being – my products and services are overpriced. I am not worthy of a higher rate.
Not a very inspiring or supportive message to give yourself.
Kathi- No. Not at all. So, what you’re saying sounds like we are being programed by our mindset. Like there’s a computer program running in the background of our minds telling us we aren’t good enough to receive what we’re entitled to-even though we’re trained, certified and educated.
Cheryl – Exactly! The beliefs that we hold or the combination of beliefs we have around a subject is called a mindset. And our mindset not only influences our decisions; it influences our behavior. Our mindset is created from all the information we’ve learned, and is strongly influenced by the stories we have heard and those we’ve told ourselves.
Kathi – That makes perfect sense-we’ve talked about that before-how we let ourselves be influenced by what we’ve grown up believing, what others say, what we say to ourselves. But, how does it happen and why don’t we realize it sooner?
Cheryl – Think of it this way-Stories are the most memorable method of retaining information. That is why indigenous societies had an oral history tradition – they recorded their people’s history through stories.
Stories not only tell the tale, but they also put experiences into context to explain how and why things happened the way that they did. As the stories are told, the listener imagines them, and draws their own conclusions and understanding.
Even our children’s nursery stories have messages in them. Think of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The messages is don’t break into other people’s homes, don’t break their furniture, and don’t steal their food. And certainly, don’t get caught sleeping in their bed.
Kathi-You know, we don’t really know what happened to Goldie once she was found by the bears. The bears may have eaten her – I mean, she did eat their porridge. Maybe she was arrested. Who knows for sure?
Cheryl- Yes, you’re right. We don’t know the final outcome.
The thing is, depending on who you identified with (the Bears or Goldie) you probably got a different message from the story. I identified with the Bears. So, I saw Goldie as a burglar, because she broke into the house that didn’t belong to her.
Kathi-Funny, I identify with Goldie. She was lost in the forest and was tired and hungry. Just looking for someone to help her.
Cheryl- So she should just walk right into someone’s house and eat, sleep and be merry?
I’m pretty sure the story’s purpose is to teach moral reasoning – what is right and wrong morally. And how selfish actions impact others. This story and many others like it are what help to build our morality mindset.
Then there are other stories that influence our mindsets and perspective on the world.
For example, throughout my entire young life I was told that I was of Cherokee heritage.
My grandmother, aunts and my father taught us that we were Cherokee.
My father told my brothers and I the story of the Trail of Tears, the history of the rise and fall of the Cherokee Nation and how the US government forced the tribe to move one-thousand miles west to be resettled. 4000 Cherokee died on the Trail of Tears. And the tribe itself struggled to hold on to its cultural ways and beliefs.
Hearing the story of the injustice of forcibly removing of the Indian tribes from their homes, had a significant impact on me. I saw myself as one of them. I sensed the injustice, the brutality, and the discrimination.
However, in grade school other children teased me about being Native American. They said ugly things about me and my heritage. It made me think that Native Americans were less than – that I was less than – that there was no pride in being associated with the Nation.
So, I hid it. I didn’t talk about it again until I was in my 30s and able to understand that this was just a mindset. And the great news is, I can change that. And I did. I changed my mindset completely and embraced my association with it with pride.
Kathi-So, culture also influences our beliefs about ourselves. It informs us of what is possible and not possible based on our family history.
Growing Up Poor
You know what dawned on me as I was pulling together the notes for this podcast? I got to thinking about the difference between Poor and Broke.
There’s a big difference between being Poor and being Broke.
Although both words are an indication of a lack of money, being Poor is a state of mind.
Kathi-What? Come again?
Cheryl- Being Poor is a state of mind.
Being Broke is a temporary situation that can change at any time.
The problem arises when people believe that they are Poor. You see, Poor is without means to get money.
Someone who is broke has limited cash flow to do what they are interested in doing, like going to a movie, out to dinner, traveling.
Someone who is poor may have bought into the mindset that they can’t earn money. They may have a meager cash flow, or only enough money for necessities, and nothing extra.
Kathi-So, someone who see themselves as “poor”, may have chosen to believe that’s the only way to be? What I hear you suggesting is that if they no longer want to be poor, they can change their circumstances by changing their mindset?
Cheryl-Look, there are always extenuating circumstances for sure, but yes, I believe with the proper insight and guidance, they can and will change their circumstances when they change their mindset.
Kathi-Ok, so how does this relate to money and our ability to earn more and not be broke or poor? Not be an underearner?
Cheryl-Imagine growing up in a family with very little money. And the stress of many mouths to feed caused your parents to argue openly over finances.
Your experience and interpretation of your parents arguing could leave you with an impression that money causes chaos, anger, resentment, and arguments.
Kathi-While I can see that could be true, wouldn’t it be more of a motivator to want to earn more so you could avoid the chaos, anger, resentment, and arguments?
Cheryl-That is possible, however, not likely. Let me explain.
You see, the message you received as a child filters into the subconscious mind without re-interpretation. It just takes whatever it is given.
And because the subconscious mind does not know the difference between fact and fiction. It is unable to make the connection between very little money and parent’s unhappiness.
It only sees money=unhappy.
That’s why it’s important to identify these types of messages and clear them so that they are no longer running like a computer application in the background.
Cheryl-How about another illustration?
Kathi-I’m all ears
Cheryl-think about your cell phone. You probably have a bunch of apps like I do. When you have a lot of them running in the background, it drains your battery. To avoid this, many people turn off notifications and close the apps they are not using.
We have to do the same thing with the limiting messages or stories running in the background of our brains. If we don’t, they will consume our creative energy and motivation.
When we leave them running, they act as subtle programming, guiding our current decision making, our behavior, and our future.
Kathi-I get it, but how do we do this clearing thing? Where do we begin on this journey to changing our mindset?
Cheryl-First, recognize that you have the power to choose how you want to feel or be.
You also get to decide which apps you are going to allow to run in the background along with those you no longer want or need.
As soon as you decide to take ownership of your unsupportive stories, you will have the power to change them.
Let’s get you started, Kathi
Here are the steps to re-writing your story
First, recognize the negative messages you tell yourself.
Second, acknowledge where or who they came from.
Third, have compassion for the person who conveyed the negative or limiting message to you, for they did know what they were doing.
Fourth, say, “Cancel, Cancel. That is not the truth. The truth is____________.” fill in the blank with a positive supportive statement to replace the negative one.
Here’s an example of how this can work from my own experiences.
My well-meaning mother, once said to me, Cheryl, you will always have trouble finding pants that fit because your hips are too large.
The negative message I took away from that situation was, “Because I didn’t fit in standard, off the shelf jeans (like I should), there was something wrong with my body.”
Cancel, Cancel. That is not the truth. The truth is standard sizes do not fit everyone and my body is perfect the way it is. That’s the truth.
Kathi, want to give it a try?
Cheryl-What’s a limiting belief you have about money?
Kathi-I tend to give my services and labor away or charge too little. I tell myself that because I only received my Associate’s Degree, not a Bachelor’s Degree, I’m not worthy of charging more.
Cheryl-Ready to cancel that?
Cancel, cancel. That’s not the truth. The truth is, I have a natural way to convey messages in writing and to improve my skill through practice and study.
Cheryl-Now, write that down and repeat it to yourself over the coming week. Before you know it, you will have reprogrammed your thinking about this.
Isn’t it about time to you update your internal programming to a software version that is supportive and encouraging?
I think you should, because you deserve to live your best life now! Not someday in the future.
Until next time. Take care and be kind to yourself.
Kathi – We love you for listening.
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Cheryl C Jones is a facilitator, author, mind-set coach and podcast host who works with individuals and corporate work teams to quickly get to the issues inhibiting them from reaching their goals, overcome the issues and achieve real success.
Kathi Holzschuher is a marketing strategist, content writer and podcast producer.
She works with Cheryl C Jones as marketing manager and podcast producer.
Facebook: Kathi Holzschuher
LinkedIn: Kathi Holzschuher