Recently, a client came to me for emotional clearing. She said she had realized that she was “supremely angry-all the time.” Not the lashing out kind of anger (although she had her self-confessed “Karen” moments), but the kind that brews inside of you and causes you to have sleeping issues, irritability, anger, depression, and loss of confidence.
After about 6 months of feeling this anger, she contacted me. She had tried other things first; not eating, drinking too much alcohol, and isolating herself. Finally, six months into this self-abusive therapy, she said, “enough is enough. I need help”.
She called me and asked for an appointment. I instructed her to write down and bring with her, 3 things that were causing her to feel most angry. A situation? A relationship? Job? Career? Spouse, children, parents?
She came with a list of symptoms because she couldn’t identify where the anger was coming from. She listed work stress, not achieving her personal goals, didn’t want to be around people. She was ready to take flight because she was so worn down from the fight. We got right to work and determined exactly what it was about work and her goals that were causing her to feel stuck in this rut of anger. And it shocked her.
The method that I use to “clear” unwanted emotions is called The Emotion Code. It took one hour for us to uncover the real issues, using my proprietary system, and then magnet therapy to release the emotions behind them. What my client learned from this session shocked her. It wasn’t anger after all.
It was frustration.
Do you know where frustration comes from? It comes from anxiety that is unacknowledged and unexpressed. That unchecked anxiety turns into frustration. And you know what frustration turns into? You guessed it! Anger! So, the real question for my client wasn’t “why am I angry?” The real question is what is causing my frustration?
Frustration, simply put, is an emotional response to stress. Some of the symptoms of frustration include:
- Losing temper
- Incessant body movements like tapping on things or sighing often
- Giving up-leaving a situation or relationship
- Feeling sad
- Feeling anxious
- Trouble sleeping
- Turning to drugs or alcohol
- Bodily abuse – not eating or irregular eating habits
Long term frustration can lead to even worse symptoms:
- Loss of confidence
- More stress
- More anger
By definition, frustration is a feeling of irritability and anger because of the inability to achieve something. Aha! Now we are getting somewhere.
So, what was this client trying to achieve that wasn’t coming to fruition? And why?
We began by examining her frustration about work. She was hired for a certain position, but her ideas were never listened to or explored. Instead, she was given projects unrelated to those she was hired to complete. These projects weren’t the best use of her time, talent and abilities. She wanted to make changes and be the difference. But they didn’t want her for that. She began dreading work. She felt anxious every time she stepped into her office.
Before she knew it, my client went from anxious to angry. At work she was negative, irritable, and unfocused. As time went on, and she was further and further from her personal and professional goals, she began to drink alcohol at night when she got home. And the cycle of self-hatred and abuse began.
I’m pleased that she had the confidence in me to allow me to help her. Once we identified the other emotions that were contributing to frustration, we cleared them. And then we talked about ways she could sustain the clearing.
The first was to “talk it out”. With someone you know and trust. Someone not connected to the source. When we talk it out, it diminishes its power over us. It puts us back in control.
Here are some other ideas I gave her that can help you, too.
- Journal your feelings. Much like talking it out, it diminishes the power and helps illuminate what is really the root cause of your frustration.
- Restructure – Shake it up. Do something different. That might mean you actually speak up at work and take a chance, or it can mean that you decide to move on.
- Recognize what is within your control to change.
- Exercise-regularly. And by this, I mean take a walk. Take a stroll. Swim – it doesn’t have to be hard cardio. Just get your endorphins moving – it will lift your mood considerably.
- Seek help from a professional like myself.