Today we are talking about, our relationship with money.
This is a subject that is an off-shoot of the Impostor Syndrome.
Our relationship with money and Imposter Syndrome are tied together through our emotions.
If you haven’t already listened to the 2 episodes on Impostor Syndrome, I recommend that you do, as well as the next several podcasts to come.
Well, actually, I recommend listening to ALL of our episodes, but yes, the last two on Impostor Syndrome would be helpful to hear to better understand its pervasiveness.
Today, we are homing in on our relationship with money.
To illustrate what I’m talking about, I have a story for you.
There was a young man, I’ll call him James. Throughout James’ childhood and even into adulthood, James has never had a piggy bank, a wallet, or any kind of safe place to store his money. Actually, it wasn’t that he didn’t have one. He just didn’t use one.
If you were to visit James now, in adulthood, you would notice that he still tends to leave his money laying around his house. You would find dollar bills in the couch or wadded up on the floor. He often leaves bills in the pockets of dirty jeans. He has little respect for his money. Consequently, he rarely has any to speak of.
What do you think would happen if James treated his girlfriend with the same level of carelessness as he does with his money?
I expect that she would not be around for very long.
You don’t have to be like James, and leave your money laying on the floor, to have a good idea about what’s going on with your relationship with money.
How you treat your money is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. And those emotions and beliefs run deep. They influence all other relationships. And they can lead to the phenomenon known as “underearning”.
Are you an Under Earner? Let’s check
- If you are someone who puts off or avoids what needs to be done to support your own goals, you may be an underearner.
- If you have a need to keep proving your value or worth to others, you may be an underearner.
- If you cling to useless possessions, thinking that they may one day have value, you may be an underearner.
- If you are a professional woman, who is not paid what her male counterparts are earning for similar work, you can be sure that you are an underearner.
- If you are a business owner and you give your products or services away for less than the value they provide to your customer; You are either an underearner or you may be experiencing imposter syndrome.
Here’s the thing. Other people know when you don’t feel completely confident in yourself. Without you ever saying a word, people pick up on what you feel about yourself. They know at an intuitive level if you feel confident and powerful, or if you feel self-conscious and unworthy. Then they respond to you from the energy you put out. It’s called Meta Communication.
Meta communication occurs between people on an energetic level. It’s that feeling you get from another person that’s beyond verbal and non-verbal. Because it’s energy.
You know, when you feel someone you are talking with is being true and authentic. You feel their openness toward you.
The opposite is also true. You can feel it when a person’s energy is closed off or they are being distant from you. Meta Communication is that feeling you get.
I tend to be super sensitive and aware of this energy.
So, what happens is other people pick up on this subtle communication and respond to it. When you put out a vibration of “I’m not worthy” then that’s how you are treated.
That makes a lot of sense, especially when you think about it regarding pay or running a business. Your pay becomes a reflection of how you see yourself.
So, how does this poor relationship with self and money get started? Are you born with it?
No. We are not born with it.
The notions of “I’m not worthy” or “I’m not enough” or “I don’t measure up to those around me”, typically originates in early childhood.
Somewhere in our vast experiences, we got the message that we didn’t measure up to others and therefore didn’t deserve as much-or more-than they.
Here’s an example from my childhood experiences.
At age 13 my mother allowed me to start babysitting for other families in the neighborhood. She told to me that I wasn’t able to charge very much because I was new and had no experience.
She set my rate at 35 cents an hour. But after I received official babysitting training and CPR certification, she still would not allow me to charge more than 50 cents an hour. Several of my neighbors recognized what a good deal they were getting because they could pay me the same rate whether I was watching one child or three.
This established a pattern of undercharging for my services and a belief that my services were not worth more.
You may be thinking well, “that was when you were a kid. Certainly, that couldn’t be the truth later in life.”
Unfortunately, it did carry forward into my professional life. I can see it now but didn’t have a clue at the time.
I remember being asked to change jobs within the company I was working for and to still continue doing the work of the old position for no additional pay.
It was not long before I starting feeling dissatisfied and resentful toward my manager and the organization.
I blamed the situation on my manager. But the truth is, it was my fault.
I didn’t think highly enough of myself to insist on a pay increase or just one position or the other.
Looking back, knowing what I know now – I realize that money is tied to self-worth. I didn’t value my experience and knowledge enough.
What I’m saying is that the money we earn is tied to our self-worth. We will only get paid to the level that we think we are worthy.
Remember James? I mentioned him earlier- he was the guy who had little respect for his money and therefore didn’t have any.
Well, James has a backstory. His backstory is that he was bullied in middle and high school which caused him to have a lot of social anxiety and low self-esteem. He didn’t think he was worthy of anything, including earning good money and so he tended to work for minimum paying jobs.
And there’s that theme again. The amount of money we earn is in direct relationship to our self-worth. Or at least that’s how we’re programmed.
It’s not necessarily the job or the position we have. Or for that matter, the business we are running.
As your self-worth starts rising, your meta energy rises too. That is what other people pick up on. That is what draws them to you and tells them you are of value.
When your self-esteem and self-confidence are high, you can’t help but attract positive attention from others. Now that could look like a promotion, or a job offer, or a new client, or many new clients for that matter.
Here’s the good news:
I have two processes to start you on the path to quickly turning this around. Here’s what has worked for me and many of my clients who have hired me to help with this very thing.
The first thing I had to do was, forgive myself. I had to forgive myself for all the times I short-changed my value. I had to forgive myself for all the times I didn’t get paid what I was worth or I discounted my fee because I thought that people wouldn’t pay it.
The second was that I had to change my mindset. Not so easy when you hold longstanding thoughts about yourself and have come to believe them to be true.
So, each time I had the thought, of “I can’t change that. They won’t pay it.” Or “People will think I’m greedy”, I had to cancel the belief and replace it with a positive one. A statement that reminded me of how much value I bring to my clients.
I had to stop and make myself remember the amazing results my clients got after we cleared even one of their false beliefs about themselves.
Clearing my own false beliefs is what made the difference. As I cleared even the small false beliefs, my self-confidence started to improve. And I started to thrive just like my clients.
Much of what I learned through that process of rebuilding my own self-worth, I put into a “how-to” book called Emotional Self Mastery: The Best Book on Regaining Personal Power, Self-confidence and Peace. Please buy a copy, I wrote it for people like you and me who want to get unstuck and feel empowered again. You’ll find it on Amazon.
So, this week, we learned to identify if we are chronic underearners. We learned that it’s a symptom tied to a bigger issue-self-esteem. AND 2 ideas to start us on our path to loving our money and ourselves. In the episodes to come, we will continue to talk about our relationship with money, how it relates to not only the Impostor Syndrome but also to our romantic and other relationships.
In addition, we will look at ways to combat a poor self-image and feelings of imposter syndrome, so that you can earn the money you desire reach your fullest potential and have healthy relationships.
Schedule a 30 Minute Discovery Session with Cheryl
Special pricing for podcast listeners-$50/30 Minutes
In 30 minutes we will discover what’s holding you back from earning more and living the life you want.
You will walk away with 3 action items and I will follow up with you in 7 days to see how you are and how I can help further.
CANCEL CANCEL TECHNIQUE
When you hear that little nagging voice inside your head questioning your decision or talking ugly to you, nip it in the bud. Recognize it and immediately say,
“Cancel, Cancel. That is not the truth.”
Then replace the negative message with a reminder of one of your past accomplishments. Dwell on that past accomplishment and feel the positive emotions associated with it. The more you practice this technique, the less often you will experience negative thinking.
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Cheryl C Jones is a facilitator, author, mind-set coach and podcast host who works with individuals and corporate work teams to quickly get to the issues inhibiting them from reaching their goals, overcome the issues and achieve real success.
Kathi Holzschuher is a marketing strategist, content writer and podcast producer.
She works with Cheryl C Jones as marketing & content manager and podcast producer.
Facebook: Kathi Holzschuher
LinkedIn: Kathi Holzschuher