Trigger people are those who trigger us into negative emotions.
This podcast was recorded just before Thanksgiving 2020, and we anticipate that it isn’t going to be a traditional holiday. However, there are still a lot of possibilities to be triggered-whether you are gathering or not. Sometimes it can be on the freeway in a store or even something on the news.
At one time or another we all get triggered by what people do or say or don’t do or say.
Sometimes, it’s a personality type rather than a specific person that triggers us. People who aren’t being polite as an example. People who might be introverted and don’t speak up for themselves and you have to drag the conversation out of them. You may find yourself in the company of someone you have never met and they trigger you about something. There are all kinds of ways to be triggered.
One year, I went to Florida to celebrate the holiday with my Dad and his family. I was stressed beyond belief, anticipating an unpleasant day with my cousin. He had always picked on me and I had always hated it. How did I resolve it and get through it?
This particular time, I retaliated. I bantered with him all night and turned the tables on him. My other relatives were shocked because that was not my normal personality-challenging.
Not one of my prouder moments however I did feel that I had stood in my own power-even though I had to become someone I wasn’t to do so.
The next time though, I got very clear with him. I was honest about the way his teasing made me feel and asked him to stop. I let him know how much it upset, frustrated and hurt me. For a while, he changed his behavior and things were good. But, eventually, he went back to the old way he was ingrained to be. We haven’t spoken in a while. Sometimes, you just have to avoid people, even relatives. If you feel horrible when you are with this person, you don’t have to be with them.
Another popular trigger around the holiday table is people who tell stories about you but change the ending to suit their ego. We need to challenge those stories because those stories become our truth. What story are we telling ourselves? Does it raise us up? Sometimes we have to re-write the story.
Sometimes, we anticipate the stories and we go into defensive, protective mode before we even get to the event. That kind of energy comes off to others as it’s ok to pick on me.
The good news is you can write your story in advance. With my cousin, I might have written a story differently and pre-paved the way for something more positive. I could have written the story about how loving and wonderful my cousin was and manifested that outcome.
We are talking about emotions. They come in one of 2 categories-loving or fearful. They are two ends of the same spectrum. When we are on the fearful side, we get something we are to be fearful of. But if we are on the loving side, we can get something reflecting love. When in a gathering, take 5 minutes to assess what you are feeling about this person-love or fear. If it’s fear or anything like that-address it. Here’s an example of what you might say:
“This is actually breaking us up rather than bring us together.”
Generate and intend good emotions.
I will leave you with one more technique that I absolutely love. It works every time!
Use this method If you are going to an event where a person you don’t care for will be attending. Imagine a giant marshmallow-all soft and sugary. Imagine it being 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide. Take that huge marshmallow all filled with love and imagine yourself sticking it over the body of that negative person. When you put the marshmallow over the top of someone, they can’t help but respond positively. The marshmallow takes the negativity out and replaces it with love. It causes a shift in the other person.
- Re-write the story
- Pre-Pave the way
- Generate and intend good emotions
- The Marshmallow
Email Cheryl with topic ideas for this podcast and blog.
Cheryl C Jones is a facilitator, author, mind-set coach and podcast host who works with individuals and corporate work teams to quickly get to the issues inhibiting them from reaching their goals, overcome the issues and achieve real success.
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Kathi Holzschuher is a marketing strategist, content writer and podcast producer.
She works with Cheryl C Jones as marketing manager and podcast producer.
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