You Get To Choose

Maybe you have read a choose your own ending book where you can choose between Ending A or Ending B by turning to a particular page once you get to a certain point in the story. These alternate ending novels put the power in your hands by allowing you to choose what direction the story will go and how you would like it to end.

Our lives are much the same – we have choices. We get to choose the direction we take and how our story unfolds. We get to decide how to act, react, and respond to people and events occurring in our daily lives. For example, we can be angry and lash out when things go askew or be peaceful and forgiving. It’s often difficult, but it is a choice.

Imagine that your emotions are set off when a driver pulls his car into the parking space next to yours and carelessly whacks your car as he exits his. It’s such a hard hit that you know there will be a ding or worse.

A typical response for many would be to jump out of the car, inspect the damage and give the guy a piece of your mind, probably including a few expletives. In fact, that is the path most of us would take. But, here’s the question; to what end? How would that reaction resolve the situation?

I am not suggesting that you do nothing. What I am suggesting is that you have a choice – just like in the choose your own ending books – you get to choose. You can go ahead and be angry, loud, aggressive, and have your emotions on full throttle. Or, you can choose to experience something else.

The same is true for relationships. When you have been in a work or personal relationship for some time and you’ve had a few communication breakdowns, you might tend to have some assumptions made up about the person. Assumptions like, “he hates it when I put the news on” or “she never likes to go places I want to go to.”  In your mind, these assumptions are absolutes. When there is an absolute, there is no room for any other possibility to show up.

When we operate from our assumptions about others’ actions or intentions, we don’t allow an alternative outcome other than the one that arose last time the topic came up. I don’t know about you, but I’m not the same person I was a week ago. I’ve grown, seen new things, learned something, and may have different ideas than last week.

Ultimately, we all have the option and personal power to choose. I call it Emotional Self-Mastery – regularly choosing your emotions by recognizing that in every scenario, you have the power to choose how you want to feel and how you will interpret and respond to events. You also get to decide how long you will experience the energy connected to your meaning or interpretation. (Remember, I said it isn’t easy – at least not at first.)

It takes practice to master your emotions. It means taking a moment to think and decide before reacting. During that moment, consider the following:

1. It can take up to an hour to flush the adrenaline from anger out of your system. Knowing that, ask yourself if it is worth experiencing harmful adrenaline for the next hour.

2. Since you get to choose how you feel, ask yourself, what is the highest emotion I can feel in this situation? Anger is a heavy emotion. Joy is light. Which would you prefer?

3. As you begin to recognize your personal power and regularly choose your emotions, take note of the control you have over knee-jerk reactions. It’s so freeing! The freedom you notice will help you regain passion and happiness in your life. Emotional self-mastery is the key to a joyful and prosperous future.

If you need help finding your power, self-confidence, or inner peace, I can help. I have helped many of my clients overcome their negative emotions and live more freely and courageously.

You get to choose. It’s that simple. The power is within you. Choose wisely.