I don’t know about you, but every year at this time I feel a huge amount of pressure to set goals or make resolutions. Right after the pressure to set them is the pressure to make them happen. And when the goal is not reached, I feel guilty.
What’s my solution to the resolution/goal dilemma?
Ditch ’em! I’ve decided that I don’t need that nonsense in my life.
Instead of making resolutions, I like to set intentions. Intentions are entirely different. They are less rigid. According to the dictionary, an intention is: n. a thing intended; an aim or a plan. Compare that to a resolution: n. a firm decision to do or not to do something.
We happen to be at the beginning of a new year, but this resolution thing can happen any time we start anew – a new month, a new day, a new relationship, job, home – you name it. We tend to make new contracts with ourselves (resolutions) in an attempt to make the next experience a better one.
That’s noble. In theory. My question is, how will you feel if you fail? How will you feel if you repeat negative behaviors, enter another undesirable relationship, stay when you resolved to go? Guilt? Shame?
I don’t like to live in the low emotional vibrations of guilt and shame. I prefer to live in the higher vibrational emotions of joy and hope. Setting an intention allows me to be flexible, to change my mind, to attract what I really want.
I think many of us fail to reach our goals or keep our resolutions because we keep using the same techniques and thinking the same outdated thoughts. We can’t possibly make our next experiences better if we don’t seek ways to change our outdated paradigms.
Entering into anything new requires action. If a bird keeps pooping on your car windshield, move your car. In other words, if you don’t like the outcome, you have to change something.
Typically, the first thing that needs to change is our mindset. Often, our self-talk is so negative it inhibits us from getting what we desire. So, we need to change what we are saying to ourselves.
Starting anew is a great opportunity to listen to what we are telling ourselves. If we are saying things like, “that’s too hard”, “I’m not qualified”, “I’m not smart enough”, we have already failed. And we haven’t even started. It’s essential that we listen to what we are saying to ourselves, catch those negative thoughts and change them. Change them to be encouraging and hopeful. When we change our thoughts, we ultimately change our lives.
Beginning anew is also a time to lighten the load-to dump not only negative self-talk, but also negative emotions. Maybe you’ve lived in fear or anger or resentment in the past experience. Are those really emotions you want to take into a new experience? Those emotions are heavy, weigh us down and serve only to re-create the same negative results we are resolving to overcome.
If we focus on the lighter emotions of optimism, hope and positive expectation, and feed our mindset with them, our outcomes will change for the better. Taking these emotions into our new experience will allow us to feel more resilience and gratitude. They will allow us to be more flexible and to work out of a place of personal power, rather than personal failure. They allow us to have a good experience.
I do realize this is all easier said than done. It’s difficult to move from fear and shame and anger to optimism and compassion. Sometimes we need a blueprint to help us make change and re-focus our thinking. That’s where I can help you.
Over the past twenty years, I have helped my clients determine the core issues behind their self-sabotage, implement new paradigms and receive astonishing results. I know I can help you, too. Together, we can identify what you want, release the unconscious beliefs that hold you from achieving and strategize the right actions needed to get you where you want to go. You don’t have to spend one more day feeling guilt and shame from past experiences and perceived failures.
I wish you a really great new experience. I encourage you to speak nicely to yourself and give a little self-love today. Once you start treating yourself well, you will attract all that you desire.