Listen Up to Be Heard

The other day I was having a conversation with my neighbor. Well, it wasn’t really a conversation; it was more like a monologue. You know the situation. It’s where one person does the majority of the talking while the other is expected to respond by nodding in agreement. (I was the listener in this scenario.)

This imbalance of listening to talking might have been appropriate for a coaching session, but this was two friends attempting to have a rich discussion over lunch.

Here’s the thing. The topic we were discussing had no correct answers – just theories. It was an exploration of ideas about causes of a current-day phenomenon – why single adults find it hard to find love.

But this article is not about dating. This article is about the fact that every one of us has a need to be heard in every relationship.

In order to be heard though, we need to first listen. The problem is, we are not listening to one another – I mean really listening. Neither are most spouses listening to one another. Or parents listening to their children. Or managers listening to their employees.

Instead of listening inquisitively, we jump to conclusions, make up stories in our heads, try to anticipate what the other is about to say, prepare our rebuttal to their comments, judge what is said, and assume we know what the other person intends.

In my years of working with professionals one-on-one and in groups, I’ve learned that most people don’t feel heard. I’ve also learned that intellectual reflective conversations don’t occur often enough in our social circles. This is primarily because people aren’t really listening.

As a result, communication gets dumbed down to simple reports of daily activities, the drama between coworkers and customers, and stories of who hurt who’s feelings.  There are very few deep conversations that explore (not debate) ideas, and where participants openly convey their feelings about a subject. This is where the monologue thing comes in-one person does all the talking and none of the listening. (This might also answer the question of why single adults find it hard to date.)

So, how do you listen? Do you listen to learn and understand, or are you just silently planning your next statement? Or maybe you are talking and not listening Do you engage in dialogue or monologue?

The next time you sit down with friends, family members, or a potential date, take note of how you are listening. Are you really listening? Are you learning from what the others are saying? Or are you the one chatting away without listening at all?

Practice active listening. Put down what you are doing and actively force your brain to listen and do nothing else. Eventually, you will “train” your brain to become a good listener, without force.

The best part of becoming a good listener is that you learn so much more than when you do all the talking or when you are doing 1000 other things in your head while someone is speaking to you. Listen to learn and understand and the world will open itself to you.

If you struggle with listening or with being heard, I can help; just as I’ve helped countless others through my coaching practice. My clients tend to be competent professional women who struggle with perfectionism, connection, negative self-talk, and self-sabotage. I help them quickly identify and release past issues and reclaim their confidence so they can feel more efficient, successful, and happy.

To learn more about how I can help. Take a minute to schedule a 30-minute call with me – it’s free. During that call, we’ll talk about your challenges and how I can help you gain clarity and be heard in this otherwise cluttered world. Use this link, https://calendly.com/cherylj/30-minute-discovery-session

I promise to listen. Really listen.